Practice Radical Acceptance
We in the West, love control and are very individualistic. We thrive on it and feel exhilarated in the stress and bustle that comes with it, the hurry up and wait sequence to everything we do. When I looked up Tao images, this one struck me.
The balance to it invites one to think of how truly out of balance our lives are. Perhaps it is better to sit and see and follow a path that might accomplish so much more. How many times have we not stopped to just listen? It has become a lost art, the number one thing that employers are looking for, those elusive soft skills. Really listening to understand. How many times have you done a project and completed it (or more hopefully, only half finished it) and found out you did not meet the objective of the project? It has happened to me a couple of times.
But this isn't just about a project. How many times have we not been happy when we went somewhere because we had these expectations? Instead of just enjoying the place, we are discontent. As if we have any right to impose our will upon anything else. Last post we talked we talked about duty (or in some cases) other peoples expectations for us. In everything, there has to be a balance, but also an acceptance. There are things you must do, but do you accept that with grace or do you do it with a hard heart? Perhaps you have been shown what you should do, and you want to let someone else do it. How will you know that you are doing the right thing?
Radical acceptance. Pause, breathe, listen and notice. Allow that what you feel is what you have the power to do. Trust and greet the destiny that awaits you. If it is right, it will be effortless. Not easy, but there will be all the things you need to make it work, right there, at the exact time you need them.
Pictures: Radical Acceptance & Yin And Yang Fire Water Han www.pixaby.com
Kim, This religion is vastly different from the religion that you practice or even I practice. I like to think that for everyone, finding their peace is different. Some meditate, some listen to death metal at the loudest decibel while others like to curl up on the couch with a mug of hot tea and our favorite book. We all look for ways to escape the busy hustle of this century. We do our best to make our lives a little easier. I have found accepting the things you cannot change to be an incredibly difficult task. It requires a sort of strength that we don't possess naturally, it takes patience and the mental stability and a sort of knowledge that it will be okay or that things will get better. Our human condition is to try to control things that will be. It is important for us to step back and find the peace within ourselves that we can accept and welcome change. I like that you give advice at the end. It is powerful and it opens my mind to learning and accepting what is, what will be, what won't be, etc.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Daniella! As an exercise for a class at my church, I kept a worry journal for a month. The reason to do the journal was to show how pointless worry is. It doesn't make us feel better, only anxious. Awesome thing is that 98% of what we worry about never really happens. And of the things that did happen, looking back at the issue, there really was not much that I personally could have done to change the outcome. It was really eye-opening! We really could be more productive focusing on things that will make a difference. Appreciate your feedback!
DeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteThis post makes me think of my life and the choices that I have made and continue to make everyday. It is a very interesting perspective and completely different from what I said in my own post. Your last paragraph about pausing, breathing, listening and noticing caught my attention as I finished reading because those are things that I have a tendency to forget to do. I'm on a constant nonstop life of going that I even forget to allow myself to feel sometimes. Very thoughtful and inspiring because you have managed to strike a question in my head with how unbalanced my life is.
Miyuki, thank you so much for allowing me to help you see the world a little different. I would like to say that life slow s down as you get older, but honestly it gets worse. It is so easy to judge things by our expectations instead of just experiencing it for itself. We have to stop and notice the little things, those are what guides our paths, not the big things. The child that smiled, the flowers blooming over in the gardens, a song that touches you, the peace when you sit next to a loved one. Those moments are the ones that make life beautiful, if we let ourselves, we get too busy to even notice them!
DeleteWe can get busy, but still need to take that moment to see the path that is leading us. Don't miss the journey!
How can I be more like you Kim? I'm a perfectionist and I struggle with anxiety and stress throughout my life. I think it started when I was seven, when my parents were divorcing. I've worried over things I can't control. As I got older I've developed a skin disorder called atopic dermatitis. You might have heard it as Eczema. Stress and anxiety are common triggers that cause eczema to flare up, which then creates more anxiety and stress, which then leads to more eczema flare-ups! It's frustrating! I've gone better at controlling it by running, taking deep breaths and all the things you mentioned in the end of your sentences.
ReplyDeleteMichelle, I think it all comes with getting older. I will leave you with the best advice that my pastor once gave me. For worry keep a diary for a month. At the end of the month, put a line through all the things that did not occur (statistically that will be about 98% of what you worried about). Take a look at the ones that did happen. Chances are there was nothing you could have done to change the outcome. If this is true, you wasted how much of every day in stress and worry?
DeleteInstead we need to focus on gratitude for what we have and acceptance of who and what we are and are becoming. This will change your outlook dramatically. Instead of stressing about that item that is bothering you, what are you grateful for? Look for those things and keep a journal on that. Reflect back on the gratitude journal at the end of the same period. What was it that really blessed you? Was it a beautiful sunset, a child's laugh, a day with out a flareup?
After that second month, I found I had two choices, either focus on the negative and surround myself with all that comes with it, or decide to focus on the simple joys. If you start off the day with it is an excellent day, it will be.
I am a perfectionist, too. The hardest thing to remember is that perfection is an impossibility. The Amish make quilts and purposely make a mistake just to remind themselves that perfection is in the hand of God, not themselves. A mistake is actually a learning moment, how disappointing life would be if there was nothing left for us to discover. Next time you make a mistake, instead of being embarrassed or disappointed, tell yourself, "How fascinating!"
Hopefully this helps!
I see what you’re saying about how we don't take the time to stop and really listen to things around us. Today everyone so busy with work, schools, and families. People are so fixated on technology (phones) that we don't fully stop and listen. We forget about the human, as the teacher says. Do you think you will take some of this knowledge and apply it to your everyday life now that it has given you the opportunity and insight of "stop and listen"? It’s hard to accept things we can’t change. I have been on a path to working on myself, to be the best version of myself that I can be and be accepting of things around me. I feel by doing this it helps put that positive energy out there. I suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD, and thyroid disease so some times its hard to keep a good focus on things that are important. I appreciate your post and thinking. We do need to take the time to make a difference for the better opposed to fixating on the things that we can't.
DeleteThank you for your comments, Smashley! I agree that positive energy expands into more positive, as well as negative can become ultimately destructive if we only focus on that. You have some major challenges and that can make it so difficult to see past them.
DeleteMy sister suffers from MS and it can be debilitating at times, yet she continues to teach kindergarten through it all. If you know anything about the disease, to put it in her words, its like a constant hangover without the fun of drinking or the buzz. Dizziness and loss of balance or muscle control can happen suddenly. I say this not to belittle your challenges, but to share an insight she gave me.
Her words to me are, "What new thing have I discovered today, that I was not aware of yesterday?" It could be something as simple as being able to tie a pair of shoes. That is a challenge on a really bad day. Some days she cannot even walk, so what is there in her surroundings that she can learn? Mostly, she says she has learned she has a strength she never knew she possessed. She also said that she cherishes every minute that she can do even something as simple as tie a shoe.
It's so easy to get lost in the overall feeling of overwhelming depression. She has taught me to look for that smallest ray of light. Darkness falls away from the light, it has to flee. When she is at her lowest moments, she picks a thought, quote or memory of a student and just reflects on it until she feels strong again. Goodness always wins. I thankful have never had to deal with such a burden. Hopefully what she has shared with me may be of some small help for you.